Second Life Herald

LL Disappears More Accounts Overnight

The killings will continue until until morale improves

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

death squads "disappear" more Tizzers accounts

Over the last 24 hours, at least three more avatars with the first name “Tizzers” have disappeared from the search people list - apparently terminated by secretive Linden Lab avatar death squads. This comes in the wake of a bloody monday evening in which at least 6 Tizzers alt accounts were murdered - including my own alt, Tizzers Aristocrat.

By tuesday morning, two new accounts - Tizzers Constantine and Tizzers Teardrop - had appeared in the people list, joined yesterday evening by Tizzers Waffle. But as we go to press this morning, these accounts are gone and the Tizzers body count continues to rise.

The pattern that emerges is one of evening/early morning avatar killing sprees, suggesting that Lab governance team members working the second or third shift are responsible.

All Tizzers Must Die!!! -- LL’s Firstname Ban Policy?

Tizzers Aristocrat account gone before morning

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Tizzers Aristocrat: your account has been activated - we will be deactivating it shortly

To kick off “National Register a Tizzers Alt Account Month”, I created an alt account named Tizzers Aristocrat to check Intlibber Brautigan’s claims that Linden Lab is banning all accounts named Tizzers. In under 12 hours my new alt account was gone - apparently due to a secret Linden firstname ban policy targeting any account named Tizzers, without regard to who created the account or what the account has done. In her short life, Tizzers Aristocrat barely made it through the orientation area and onto the mainland.

So despite the cheery e-mail the Lab sent last night with its promises of giddy times while pretending to snowboard, fly, surf, and pilot jet fighters in the metaverse, my TIzzers Aristocrat alt account now is gone from the search people list, and unable to log in. TIzzers Aristocrat has apparently been disappeared by the Linden secret police -- without cause or explanation.

National Tizzers Month - Register an Alt Account Today!

"Your World, Your Imagination" -- unless your first name is Tizzers

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Tizzers Aristocrat and Intlibber Brautigan suggests everyone register a Tizzers alt account

After buying the exclusive rights to the BnT avatar last name in Second Life for a $500 USD setup fee, plus $500 in annual fees, Intlibber Brautigan was surprised to find that Linden Lab was effectively banning free use of the naming rights he had purchased, and believes Harry Linden could be the culprit. Mr. Brautigan is a well known virtual land baron who says he owns 49 sims in Second Life.

Typically, residents of Second Life must select their last name from a Linden game-god approved list, but some wealthy corporate entities purchase last names as a way to provide employees with a consistent identity that is tied to their official work duties and independent of their gameplay.

Mr. Brautigan told the Herald tonight, “I own the BnT last name. Last week I registered the account Tizzers BnT. Before anybody had even logged onto Sl with it, Harry had age-banned it demanding an ID check, even though I, who own the BnT last name, am already ID verified - apparently anybody named Tizzers is automatically a minor”

Memorial for a Queen

Saturday, August 16, a memorial service was held in Shivar, for Queen of the Shivari, Montserrat Snakeankle/Sparrowhawk Perhaps (Carmen Hermosillo irl). It was attended by many members of the Shivar tribe as well as dignitaries from other nations and races. There was also at least one ambassador from the WELL, where she was known as humdog.

Pictures are below the fold. An obituary was previously published here.

Casino Gambling Returns To Second Life

Does Linden Lab approve of gambling for Z$s purchased with L$s ?

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Z$s cannot be converted to L$s -- so you can cash out here

Just over a year ago, Linden Lab banned gambling in Second Life, a change that sent the in-world economy into a tailspin as virtual casinos across the grid shut down and gamblers took flight from the Lab’s virtual world entertainment product. But now, the casinos are back -- operating under an interesting interpretation of both US law, and apparently within the Linden’s Terms of Service, according to the virtual casino owners.

How is this possible? The creators of the Z$ Zorkmid fictitious currency claim there is a loophole in both the TOS and US law. By using a fictitious currency which cannot be converted directly into L$s, playing games of chance is not really gambling - instead it is a harmless and legal entertainment.

After not gambling on roulette, slot machines, black jack, and similar amusements, pretend punters can pay L$1 to play a game of skill and convert their Z$ winnings into L$s. The object of this game is to match pairs of identical images - with a two minute time limit. The level of skill required is such that most metaverse residents are very unlikely to lose unless they are subject to one of the seemingly random crashes of the SL client software - or massive lag.

Chouchou -- The New New Wave of SL Art

by lizsolo Mathilde

The New New Wave of SL Art

Work that is more than just being clever

by Aurel Miles

It begins in a Wheatfield. I contemplate the land. A man sits down and says:

“Hello Miss Miles. You are a very meticulous woman, I can see it in your work on your avi”
(Long pause – during which MAN remains seated and I wake up.)

Me: Oh
Me: Hello. Sorry - I was talking to my editor

MAN: she is perfect
Me: my editor?

MAN: no your avi

…and we’re off. Seems to me two-thirds of the population of SL, at any given moment, are looking for love, sex or some form of romantic connection. That’s why I chose to spend the first year of my time here writing about sex. That’s why Stroker is rich, it’s why people can make a real living selling virtual shoes, clothes, nipples, hair, skin and anything else that makes a peacock out of the paper bag avatar we all start out with. It’s why we have houses

I’m not going to pretend to know why forming relationships is so much easier and so much more intense in SL – there are a few theories about meeting someone on equal ground and learning about their heart and soul before you start looking at their limitations and I think those theories are pretty sound. Google it – they’re out there. (And before anyone starts blathering about how fake these relationships are, of the 100 people I know, eight of them are now married to their SL partners in RL. It’s not a huge percentage but when you consider none of them, nobody I know, came here expecting to fall in love much less move halfway across the world to marry their SL partner – it’s significant.)

These days, things have changed. There are plenty of newbies out there buying their first set of genitals and that will go on for as long as SL exists but there are an equal number of us who have moved on. So, what I am interested in these days is what comes next? What happens when you have made that match and have that deep connection? And not what happens to your relationship either, I want to talk about what happens to you.

The Pregnant Man

Abandoned by furry mom, single father overcomes prejudice in metaverse - will deliver baby soon

by Mony Markova

When I first saw him, I thought this had to be a joke. He had a huge belly, which to me seemed just like a regular beer belly, except a little lower. As I was preparing to leave, it became evident that this was not fiction at all but complete truth. The guy was pregnant with a real primmy baby!

What follows is my interview with the first pregnant man. I found him after lots of research - sometimes it was difficult, but I keep following his trail. The pregnant man responds to the name of IggyPop Sirup and has no need to hide his identity because he says he is proud of it and that he is keeping the baby.

Markova: So Iggy, this is truly amazing and that is one huge belly!
IggyPop: Well Mony, it’s a Baby and as hard as this has been, it’s amazing and a true miracle that this can happen. I don’t think a person has ever gone through so much to bring avatarian life to the metaverse.

Markova: Wow Iggy I bet you have gone through a lot. So please share with us.
IggyPop: I mean women make so much fuss about having babies, but they have no idea what this is for a man. I tell you, it’s difficult. For example, I been kicked out of Baby Stores and it is wrong to kick pregnant people out of stores. It is very mean and impolite. They say, “Are you trying to mock us,” “You think you are smarter?” and stuff like that. I just want to buy the things I need and get ready when the baby comes. Nowadays, I tell them I have a pillow under my jacket just to support my wife, and then they say “Aaaaaaw what a nice man.” I even get discounts at stores and free things. But you know what, Mony? I wish they would say “aaaaw” when I tell them it’s me that is pregnant, and that it’s ok and fine. Now I only go to stores when they are empty and no-one is around. It would be nice to surround my baby with good karma but instead, I get all this bad rap. And man, I tell you; the thing I don’t like is the crying… this is one thing I don’t stand… bad hormones.

One-Hour Abortion Clinic Opens In Second Life Mall

Mall cop says Minerva Linden deleted prim fetus after pro-life group abuse reports --
W-Hat Goons’ Whatview Valley Mall also features Apple Store, Rei’s Rocks, Invisible Prim store

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

teens welcome

Shoppers in WHAT sim will be pleased to learn that the conveniently located Whatview Valley Mall claims to have Second Life’s first and only prim baby abortion clinic. Teens are welcome, and prices start at L$1999, with souvenir photographs available for L$500. A number of virtual world business analysts are now touting this development as a business opportunity with strong growth prospects, given the prevalence of unprotected cybersex in SL, and recession-proof demand for convenient prim baby termination services.

However, there are still challenges for the virtual abortion industry. According to Whatview Valley mall cop Zac Wilcke, there has been some trouble at the abortion clinic recently due to pro-life Second Life residents - leading to abuse reports and and a visit from game god Minerva Linden who apparently deleted the fetus from an in-progress partial birth abortion.

Investors in the clinic were relieved to note that Minerva Linden left in place the shopvac and blood spraying from one of the customers being serviced, sending a clear message about Linden Lab's “Community Standards” enforcement - and also establishing a precedent that allows for at least some sorts of avatar abortions, although not those held to be illegal in the United States. The US Supreme court recently upheld a law banning the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003, so Linden Lab may be seen as simply complying with the law of the land - and helping bring Second Life even closer to real life.

Italian Space Program Orbits Rabbit Over Sardigna

Carrot feast follows feat

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Scientific proof - rabbit reaches an altitude of over 200,000 meters above Sardigna

Maximilian Baxton sent a report to the Second Life Herald’s iMojowire 3G this afternoon, celebrating a new era of space exploration - propelling a rabbit avatar to the incredible altitude of 200,000 meters. The heroic italian rabbit - named Maximilian Baxton - used a “fiendish attachment” to propel himself into the sky over Sardigna sim.

“I desired to emulate Laika, the soviet space dog” , said Maximilian when he finally returned to earth after his dangerous mission. Maximilian went on to say, “I wanted to finally make it clear that rabbits are not cowards”. Sources indication that for italians, rabbits are seen as the most cowardly of all animals, holding a position comparable to the chicken for english-speakers.

To the hero go the spoils of victory, and so awash in a blaze of glory, Maximilian is currently partying with all his Sardinian friend and handing out carrots to all the guests - until his next Guinness-record space flight.

LL Targeting W-Hat Goons?

Tardimal avatar maker hit with 3-day suspension for verbal abuse - on his own sim!

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

If Kyro Kilian is to be believed, certain Linden Lab employees may be running alt accounts or doing instantaneous favors for special friends by swinging the ban stick when the gameplay turns sassy.

One of the first messages I got on my brand new black iMojowire 3G phone last week was from Kyro tell me that murmuring the f-word on your own sim could be grounds for a 3 day suspension.

While the punishment seems disproportionate to the crime, it is possible that the Lab is hoping to run a goon pacification effort in hopes of further disneyfication of the metaverse. Another possibility is that something else about the W-HAT sim offended the alleged off duty Linden, and “verbal abuse” was simply a convenient excuse.

Because there is no public record or oversight of the Lindens’ bans and suspensions, here in the hall of mirrors that is the interwebs the world may never know the full truth.

[ after the jump: the text of Kyro’s message ]

Banned 160 Times - Talkin’ Trash in Ballers City

Nicholas mafia member ignores SL rules - attacks other mafias

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

A long-time SL mafia member claims to have been banned from the metaverse nearly 160 times as part of his family’s campaigns against other in-world mafias - the current target is Black Hand/Satriale. Apparently this innovative form of gameplay - olympic-class community standards violation - is a normal part of being an enforcer for what may be the most notorious mafia of them all - the Nicholas family.

some days I get banned for wearing a longcat head

My source was a wise guy running an alt account named NichoIas Bellic - although mafia alt accounts are completely disposable, so it might be better to think of him as "this guy". I met Nicholas as I was standing by the Ballers City basketball court, enjoying the repeating automated announcements:

Ballers City Staff: Is someone bothering you? To file an abuse report, type !report firstName lastName reason -- To kick-vote an attacker, type !vote name

While I was catching up with a few IMs, and watching a pick up basketball game between several furries and two willowy Gorean slave girls - and let me tell you those slave girls have got game - this guy from the Nicholas mafia shows up - and he is pissed off.

NichoIas Bellic: COME ON
NichoIas Bellic: I JUST CANT GET BANNED TODAY
NichoIas Bellic: SRS
NichoIas Bellic: NO MATTER WHAT I DO
NichoIas Bellic: AFTER SHIT TALKIN THAT LINDEN
NichoIas Bellic: STILL
NichoIas Bellic: NADDA

Pixeleen Mistral: banned from SL or banned from here?
NichoIas Bellic: Pixeleen. Enough of the RPfag armyfag articles and lets get down to the nitty gritty real crapolla. RP/Army-fag should be bottom of the totem pole

The Merczateers - One Life, One Fate

One of Second Life’s largest military forces -- from the perspectives of its members, its allies, and its enemies.

by Caine Constantine

When it comes to armed combat in Second Life, there may be no more recognized military force than the Merczateers.

They are massive, clocking in at 254 members as of the writing of this article. With four regions under their direct control – Badnarik, Salamis, Appledore and Amtor – they are the largest military force, in terms of both manpower and land ownership, on the grid today.

With those resources behind them, the Merczateers have created a military force that is, at least among the broad and ever-growing Second Life military community, envied, despised, feared, praised, or admired, depending on who you talk to.

The group has become one of the centers of the community, and almost everyone in the community has an opinion about the Merczateers. Even when its members leave the group, or are ejected from it, they often use their time and experience it to form their own military forces. 

When I first started writing articles for Herald and covered the Task Force Marines, they told me they were no different. Flamethrower Rives, a former Admiral in the Marines, explained.

ZOMG!! Military Warfare At Risk!!!

Will Linden Lab allow Second Life Militaries to go extinct?

by Adrastos Fhang

During my time in Second Life, many Second Life residents have gone through harrowing journeys. Upgrade after upgrade, Second Life attempts to become the new ERA for PC Games. In all of these upgrades, many things seem to go right, and then starts to wane. This newer threat puts Second Life Military warfare at risk. Few people have discovered that the newest glitch could put Second Life halt warfare until further notice.

This newest mistake from Linden Labs allows any type of bullets to go through prims no matter if they are damage, phantom, training, etc. Many bases rely on their prims for cover such as the Merczateers in Salamis and many more. With this new impediment in the headlines, Many wonder what will be the turn out of these upcoming events. I searched around for some members of the military community to see their opinion on this situation.

Adrastos Fhang: What do you think of Second Life's latest glitch of any form of bullets going through solid prims easily?
Malcious Vuckovic facepalms
Malcious Vuckovic: i think of it being typical of LL

Op/Ed: Tortured Thoughts

by Jessica Holyoke, Gorean kajira

Torture has been on my mind lately, not only due to my Gorean excursions, but also in real life as well.

Back in June, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was on the U.S. news magazine show "60 Minutes."  He was asked why is the U.S. government allowed to torture....I mean, use high end interrogation, in light of the Eighth Amendment prohibition of "cruel and unusual punishment." Justice Scalia's response was that torture was not punishment.  He did not go into it much more than that.

Justice Scalia's views usually match a line of thought that says the Executive, in our case the President, can do no illegal act.  But when you look at torture, it is an illegal act.  Not just due to international convention, but rather due to the fact that it has been determined over centuries that a person has a right to bodily integrity and there is a prohibition against battery.  So in looking at torture as a government policy, you also have to look at what gives the government the right to do so.

This of course leads back to the question of the Chinese dissident and the corporate position.  My position on that is the Chinese dissident is one question, one part of the problem.  A policy of torture, or a policy of suppression of speech of any form, is wrong. What a corporation does about it is another question, a different problem.  Did anyone notice that international journalists are not getting unfettered internet access in Beijing and the IOC knows about that?

Outrageous Harassment: Griefers Scramble Police To SL Resident’s RL Home!!!

When will the FBI get involved?

by Stoli Babbage, staff reporter

"Swatting", is a term for a technology-enabled real life attack in which the perpetrator calls the victim's local police department in hysterics to convince the 911 emergency operators the victim is in a hostage situation -- or going on a shooting rampage. By making it appear the call originated from the victim’s phone number, a successful attack results in real life adrenaline-hyped gun-wielding SWAT teams being dispatched to the victim’s home, with dangerously unpredictable results. This is what passes for “lulz” or “fun” after playing the game too long and going snow-blind to virtuality/reality.

For several months, rumors have been circulating that the notorious Patriotic Nigras (PN) griefers were responsible for swatting several of their most outspoken opponents, including Second Life Furnation admin Corsi Mousehold. Until now, those rumors were unconfirmed. However, in recent interviews, Corsi Mousehold has stepped forward to confirm that the rumors are true.

Corsi Mousehold is the owner of “Corsi's Creations” in Gar, and Furnation - a furry sim (anthropomorphic animal role play area). Both the business and the Second Life sims have been under repeated attack by PN members over the last year - part of an escalating round of game-based virtual violence -- although Mousehold tells us that since the Linden Lab Governance Team has begun to step up, the attacks have died down. According to Corsi, "The PN might last a couple minutes in-world before being banned, if that, so we've seen a huge decline in griefing".

Unfortunately, it appears that now that the PN griefing is ineffective in-game, they have graduated to targeting their victims in real life. As Cosri told us, "They actually tried to swat me twice. The second time the police were still standing here from the first."

Lively Lesbian Subtext to Google's 3D Chatrooms?

Google's Lively "Heather" & "Vanessa" Avatars Can't Dance With Boys
Fighting breaks out in Jen's Coffee House

by Pixeleen Mistral, International Affairs desk

I have enjoyed my time in Lively so far, but there are parts of the experience I find troubling - I simply cannot dance with irishJohn36. I met irishJohn36 in Jen's Coffee House, and after sitting chatting with him and another guy named "Photographer", irishJohn36 suggested we get up and dance.

"Photographer" had been IMing me privately asking for photos - I sent him some links to Pixeleen Mistral pictures I found using in Google's image search -- after all, when in Google, do as the Googles do. But "Photographer" wanted much more for his collection and was getting rather insistent and tiresome. IrishJohn36 seemed to be a bit more of a gentleman, and I hadn't danced with anyone yet, so I stood up from my chair and clicked on irishJohn36's avatar to bring up a list of animations I could perform with him. Strangely, dance was not listed - but slap was.

Very soon, a nimbus of guys appeared around me, as irishJohn36, "Photographer", and others started punching, kicking, and dropping anvils on each other, leaving me at the center of a vortex of virtual testosterone violence. That was when irishJohn36 suggested we find another scene to try to dance.

Second Life Image Tarnished by Users?

RiversRunRed CEO warns against allowing residents to create 3D content

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

MIT Technology Review writer Brian White advises the metaverse that users may make “shoddy and even offensive content” if allowed to create in 3D worlds -- sentiments echoed by the CEO of RiversRunRed Justin Bovington who praised internet advertising giant Google for hiring partnering with RiversRunRed to create content, and warned against unfettered access to creative tools saying “Many brands have experienced pollution and even counterfeit of their brands in other 3-D worlds or environments--not to mention the questionable material that users put forth that led to a tarnished image for Second Life.”

The controlled content creation issue raises concerns for significant parts of the Second Life population. Goreans, BDSM communities, ageplayers, virtual escort service workers, furries, and others created much of the novelty that attracted both press and players to the Second Life platform as an escape from a humdrum real life. Unfortunately for these groups, the ad-driven worlds appear to be moving in lockstep toward a real-life in virtual-life vision, while being cheered on by the Technology Review. Recent comments by Linden Lab's own Mitch Kapor also suggest that the freewheeling era may be passing.

Although spreading the corporate message may be less effective while allowing players to actually play their own games in an ad-sponsored social space, the boredom factor may force Google’s hand, as the Technology Review story goes on to state that Google is considering allowing user content creation at some unspecified future date. Presumably the danger of brand pollution must be weighed against to lure of free content to drive viewers to tightly targeted ads - Google's stock in trade.

AOL Tightens Belt, Massively Chokes Off SL News?

"Massively Staff" blogs for free at AOL properties after gaming writers are told to stop posting

by Idoru Wellman, staff writer

Techcrunch reports that AOL has savagely cut their blogging empire's staff, chopping personel budgets up to 25% and telling writers to take a few weeks off while they wait and see if they have a job sometime in August. Even more shocking, AOL has apparently decided to discontinue free bagels - a move likely to send shockwaves through the baking industry as bakers struggle to recover from a one-two punch of fewer blog stories and declining corporate bagel sales.

Reliable sources confirmed to the Herald that a budget-induced blogging gag-order is in effect, and a quick visit to one of AOL's properties - Massively - suggests this is true. The normally steady drizzle of corporate-friendly "news" about Second Life seems to have halted, depriving resident of vital information such as the number of user signups in the last 24 hours - statistics mined from Linden Lab's web site, then uncritically posted along with seemingly identical graphs and an obligatory screen shot from in-world -- a continuation of the proud legacy of the now defunct Second Life Blingsider.

The Pearl:Victorian Brothel/Promiscuous Mermaids

Inventory server mishap creates inseparable siamese-twin stories

Something went horribly wrong when I put the prims holding the notecards for these two stories on Pixeleen's piano at the Herald offices in Jessie sim - I crashed and when I relogged the prims holding the stories were fused - along with the stories! My interview at the Pearl Victorian brothel is now mixed with an impromptu meeting to determine promiscuity in a mermaid sim - what a mess --Kris.
[we'll try the Linden approach and let the readers sort the fused stories themselves - something like coalesced prims from a bad parcel return - the Editrix]

---

The Pearl: Victorian Brothel

by Kris Dibou
photos by Bunny Brickworks

When it was suggested to me that I do an interview at a brothel, I was very excited.  I love broth, especially with crackers.  I was hoping they had beef broth, as I have grown weary of chicken and I wondered if broth was prepared any differently in the Victorian Era.  I decided to dress as a Victorian gentleman and be on my best behavior; surely they would offer me some free broth!

Well, imagine my disappointment when I arrived and found there was no food in the whole house; what is more, I think they sold sex there!  I spoke with one of the people in charge, Ms. Hagar Qinan:

Slouching Toward Bethlehem: The Anti-Poet

Spam filter fails -- critic battles emo poetry outbreak

by Sigmund Leominster, new media critic

Following the tragic failure of my spam filter to do its job, I recently received an unsolicited email containing a piece of poetry from what was described as someone with “a poet’s heart and pen.” Here’s a clip from the poem:

I understand the truth disease sees
I say nothing teaches needs
I dream great meaningful beings free my mind
I try to kill only loneliness
I hope great love visits me
I am extra vast and lopsided.

In the spirit of full disclosure - and so you can get to know the depths of my shallowness - I have to admit that I hope there is a special place in Hell reserved for people who think that stringing sentences together in short lines qualifies as “poetry.” I am neither a publisher nor a professional critic but it has always seemed to me that people who want to pretend to be writers – especially when they are patently unqualified – tend to call their meanderings “poetry” in the hope that sympathetic readers will gloss over the vapidity and turgidity of their pseudo-literate ramblings. For some reason that philosophers and psychologists have yet to discover, people allow “poets” far more latitude than they deserve. Mangled metaphor, grammatical grinding and weird words are no substitute for riveting writing.

[Resolved] Land Store taken offline repeatedly

Resolved 10:43 a.m. PDT Our Land Store is open! ZOMG! Thank you again for your patience while we got hammered - that is how we keep SL going!!

Update 10:18 a.m. PDT Our InterWebs Developers are taking great care to make sure the Land Store is 100%. Someone told them about testing last night over mojitos. We appreciate your patience while we continue to work on tweaking technical issues and getting hammered

Update 9:12 a.m. PDT We appreciate your patience while get hammered at the Land Store. Our Web Developers ran out of nails and had to go to Home Depot for more. We are also hammering and tweaking and we hope to have tweaked the hammer back online soon.

Update 7:55 a.m. Our Web Developers continue to tweak out on a Land Store hammer issue. We are tweaking hammers while working to hammer tweaks to get the land store open as soon as possible.

The Land Store has been tweaked offline temporarily. We will keep you updated as any additional information becomes available. Does anyone have a hammer?

---

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 17th, 2008 at 6:16 am and is filed under Land
You can hammer any responses to this entry by tweaking the RSS 2.0 feed.

It’s Official, we cannot be Supporting Second Life after Today

Whoresday, July 17th, 2008 at 5:43 PM by: Phatt Linden

Back in early May 2007, we thought about blogging to let you know that we were seriously considering whether Linden Lab would ever fix Second Life. It was easy to blow off the old Mac users but some new Macbook Pro users were even whinging about crashing every 20 minutes.

We thought about it, but our tracking shows that we are unlikely to ever fix this and with SL losing market share it really makes little sense for us to continue the charade. The vast majority of responses from you confirmed that you agree, it makes sense to free up the Linden engineers from working to support Second Life since it is used by so few Residents, and instead we should let them move on to other work which will benefit a much larger group.

We wanted to make sure there was plenty of time for the news to spread, and now, a little over two months later, it’s time to actually cease support of this relatively little-used virtual world.

What does it mean to “stop support”? Basically, it means we stop new development for the SDK (software development kit ), and also stop doing QA testing. It has been this way for years --will anyone really notice a difference?

Update on Mainland supply

Caturday, July 19th, 2008 at 5:75 AM by: Hack Linden

Since my previous post - which I am sad to say I cannot find right now, but is certainly on the interwebs somewhere -- I’ve been wearing this special metaverse infallibility  HUD thingie from Philip Linden. It was part of the “stay positive” welcome pack from the Lab that I got when I signed on as a telecommuter Linden. Hamlet, Gwen, and Prokofy got them too! Does this make me special?

Anyway, I am like totally supposed to say that our suspending of whole region auctions and stuff makes sense. We (actually some other people, but you know... I like to hang with them) have been watching the market closely. Plus, we have been watching the RL economy even more closely. Did you notice gas prices are going up? Even worse, balsamic vinegar, arugula, and raspberries are simply outrageous -- but I am NOT giving up my morning double shot skim latte with Nattō extract. I’m not sure how the Lab will keep functioning at peak efficiency if this keeps up.

Nanao Mahfouz Ejected From Alliance Navy!!!

Former Admiral to pursue other interests, spend more time with family

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Mr. Mahfouz studies his civilian options in an elaborate heads up display

As word spread of the ejection of former Admiral Nanao Mahfouz from the Alliance Navy last weekend, the big questions in the Second Life militia community went un-answered. What will Mr. Mahfouz do next? Is the Alliance navy's base in Dorien sim in danger of Mr. Mahfouz selling the land? What caused the disagreement?

Seeking answers, I made a visit to the AN base and managed to take one picture of Mr. Mahfouz before I was killed - but learned that Mr. Mahfouz was turfed out of the navy due to long standing disagreements on leadership direction.

Pixeleen Mistral: Was there some sort of change in AN command?
Nanao Mahfouz: And what about them? You've come groveling back here hoping for another story you can twist into some sensationalist scandal to attract more avid readers?
Dexhen Helios: holster

Pixeleen Mistral: well - I'm a reporter, and there are these rumors that you are out of the AN command Nanao - but the sources are all outside the AN
Nanao Mahfouz: No, I know who you are, reporter wouldn't be the appropriate title.

Elite Armed Forces Leave the Iron Symphony for Vanguard’s Sovereign Regime

Merczateer operatives unmask and attack the EAF weapons smugglers, but Vanguard comes in to back up their new allies – resulting in the latest battle between two old foes.

By Caine Constantine, Herald War Correspondent

A sting operation conducted just a few days ago caught the leader of the Elite Armed Forces – a marvelously named group allied with the Merczateers up to this point – personally selling leaked and copybotted weapons designed and belonging to the Merczateers to an undercover agent from that same military.

Shown here, Commander Br1an Razor, leader of the EAF, was caught in the act of selling Merczateers equipment to a black market buyer by Proteus Hand, the Merczateers Light Operative who first uncovered information leading to the suspicion that the EAF was selling their ally’s equipment.

New Torley Linden Documentary Features Mitch Kapor

An all too accurate picture of the state of SL

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

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Mitch Kapor promises less novelty, less freedom, uneasy transition as Torley Linden signals disapproval with bad sound, gray textures, low framerates

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Noted virtual filmmaker Torley Linden’s latest production is a documentary of the closing keynote address from the SL5B 5th “birthday” celebration. The largely nipple free PG celebration ended on a downbeat note monday, as mighty Mitch Kapor went out of his way to insult current metaverse residents by implying they are socially inept outsiders soon to be swept away in a flood of “pragmatic” business, education, and non-profit players -- though impartial observers wonder how this will happen, given the dismal peak concurrent user growth rate, unstable platform, and general lack of professionalism on the part of Linden Lab.

opening credits - Torley is nearly as important as Mitch

Given the difficult subject matter Torley Linden chose for his latest epic, the film works surprisingly well, as Torley pulls out all the stops in a largely successful effort to provide a ironic counterpoint to a corporate message Torley clearly disagrees with.

We applaud this brave young filmmaker and hope to see more of his creative use of up-the-nose camera angles, over-modulated voice, hyperkinetic pans, and subtle use of un- rezed gray textures - all groundbreaking SL filmmaking techniques that point out the obvious limits of Second Life. Hopefully, as Torley continues to perfect his subversive artform he will be able to retain his position as lab mascot and court videographer for the Linden empire.

Red Guards Overpower Task Force Marines

Worker's revolution also defeats the Alliance Navy, Sparta, Elite Armed Forces

by Caine Constantine

The Task Force Marines of Prize Delta may now be missing their would-be British overlords. On June 29th, an enemy far less humane came by to visit. The Red Guards, foot soldiers of the communist revolution, invaded Prize Delta and slaughtered the inhabitants with all of the terribly deadly efficiency of the army of the worker’s revolution.

Grey Nolder, one of the Red Guards, detailed some of the aftermath of the battle, telling the Herald: "Red Guards assaulted Prize Delta for over four hours, keeping Task Force Marines stuck within the deep confines of their base. Through EAF re-enforcements and the abuse of local teleports; as well as attempts to blacken the name of the Guards, our Comrades carried on, holding the base and a glorious red flag. Long live the Revolution!"

Shock!!! Pixeleen Mistral is Urizenus Sklar?!

Special to the Herald by staff reporter Idoru Wellman

The supersleuths at upstart interweb newspaper The Griefer Herald believe they have unlocked the secret identity of Second Life Herald managing editrix Pixeleen Mistral.

She is... wait for it... none other than Herald founder Urizenus Sklar.

Asked to comment on the story, Urizenus admitted that he was identical with himself, and Pixeleen concurred that Uri was indeed identical with himself. Meanwhile, further information has come forward suggesting that Urizenus, a.k.a. philosopher Peter Ludlow in real life, might also be identical to Prokofy Neva, Thomas Pynchon, Francis Bacon and d3adl3yc0d3c.

Urizenus Sklar - identical with himself

These amazing revelations sent a flurry of internet sleuths scurrying on identical identity quests - all seeming to lead toward the rumored Interweb Illuminati -- a shadowy cabal that some believe runs the metaverse as a sort of über FIC, while at the same time appreciating a really good coq au vin and the importance of getting just the rightchampagne vinegar when making béarnaise sauce.

Could this be proof positive of a conspiracy which Prokofy Neva is only now starting to suspect exists? Is Tizzers Foxchase in on it? As Uri/Peter/Pix/Prok/Tom/Francis/d3adl3y are fond of saying, in the hall of mirrors that is the interwebs the world may never know.

Battle of Prize Delta – Part Three: Rule, Britannia!

Why would we surrender, ol' bean? We're in your base, musketing your doods

by Caine Constantine

In June, the musket-wielding armies of British conquest fought a prolonged battle to claim Prize Delta and the Task Force Marines as the newest colony of the British Empire. The Marines, however, refused to be anyone’s subjects. And so, a day later, the British came back again to claim what they thought was theirs. This time, though, they planned to stay.

More conflict seemed inevitable, despite the previous epic battle, in which the Marines were gunning down the British by the dozens using their modern day machine guns, and the British retaliating through volley fire of their 18th century muskets. Despite the mismatch, the British forces – mostly composed of Ordo Imperialis, with some volunteers from other groups like the Alliance Navy – had been victorious. Facing even the “metal birds” and “witch magic” that British flagman Water Halbert pointed out, the King’s men had carried the day.. Now they even went so far as to claim that they were the owners of Prize Delta. British General Ruin Nefarious made this clear, saying "TFM is actually the Colony of Lamestein - we are reconquering it for the Crown".

Caine Constantine: So the new rulers of Prize Delta and the Task Force Marines, which you are calling now the people of the Colony of Lamestein, are the British Empire?
Ruin Nefarious: Exactly.
Intus Infinity: They had a temporary uprising. We crushed them
Rei Kuhr: They will be heavily taxed, as a reward.
Aelus Janus: FOR COUNTRY, FOR THRONE.
Ruin Nefarious shouts: Fuck representation!

Everett Linden Exposes Penis at SL5B!!!

Linden staffer discovers PG-Penis -- leading in-world economic indicators turn strongly positive

by Kris Dibou & Pixeleen Mistral

Marble PG-P OK, wooden boobs-- no way! Game gods roil virtual commodities markets

The first signs of an economic turnaround in the mining industry were evident today, as the overseas futures market in marble textures went wild. The cause? A reliable source informed the Herald that Everett Linden was role-playing a game god when he accidentally gave the OK for David's wedding tackle to flap in the SL breeze- for him to disrobe his probe- for his banan-o to go commando- indeed, for his totem to tan on his scrotum.

As news of the PG penis TOS workaround spread across the metaverse, certain anti-communist columnists and long time supporters of in-world decency averted their eyes -- but the more pragmatic residents rushed to buy options on a few select texture vendors specializing in marble and granite. Given the expected demand for the rare PG-P (PG Penis), the smart money says the fashionable virtual man-about-the-metaverse will soon be sporting a marble chubbie sculptie - driving up the stocks of both classic sculptors, and virtual marble miners.

Meanwhile, the economic prospects for logging concerns in snow sims looked bleak as wooden textured nipples continued to be nixed by Linden Lab, with a number of sources citing the danger of adults pretending to be children seeing the banned boobs in PG rated land.

While a depressed timber industry in the snow sims continue to struggle, marble miners seem to be emerging from a prolonged in-world economic recession. The surprise turnaround was sparked by this conversation, recorded for posterity by several bots who got lost on the way to a their job camping at a deserted virtual shopping mall. The recovered conversation went as follows:

Nipplegate: The Sag-a Continues!

SL5B naughty bits scandal expands to elbows

by Kris Dibou

Venus De Milo

I received a tip, dear readers, that a short distance behind the Statue of David stood Aphrodite, nipples exposed.  To verify this sighting, the Herald was there in no time with experts who have allegedly seen nipples before.  To our dismay, we could not determine if we were looking at nipples or not. 

Famous snail-detective Happy Trails offered this twist on the situation:

"It would seem to me that the Lindens mistook this lady's arms for nipples, and removed the wrong items.  They must have used a very large cleavage to cut them off with, or perhaps with the availability of alcohol in SL, they were just bosom too much and cut off the wrong things."

One of our experts stated that the breasts were pointed, thereby indicating the existence of nipples even though they were not shaded as such.  I was quick to point out that Artfox's wooden nipples were round and not pointed, so perhaps pointy is what you have when there is no nipple.

The True Story of How Plastic Duck Saved The SL Economy

History of the Voted5 goons includes amazing revelation -- Philip Linden caught in-world accepting bug reports!!

by Mötör Vöted5

[this story appeared in a slightly different form at the Griefer Herald, where the author describes an exploit allowing free transfer of L$ spacebux - part of a tell-all account of a bygone era. While the exploit has presumably been patched, the level of close cooperation between dark lord of the goons, Gene Replacement, and Philip Linden, ex-CEO of the metaverse finally confirms what many have long suspected. - the Editrix]

I was a member of Voted 5 way before the great purge that razed Satyr to the ground and led to the revival of the then defunct w-hat. I joined sometime after the great w-hat civil war (where Voted 5 was splintered from w-hat) and many months before the removal of Satyr from the grid and the banning of several prominent members of Voted 5. Let me tell you, things back then were what one would consider fun. Back then was when griefing was an art.

Gene Replacement was a glorious leader. Gene Replacement, whom many know as Plastic Duck, was what made Voted 5 so popular and famous. The scripts, items, and everything that streamed from him was a marvel to behold. I can even remember Gene Replacement taking a few moments to modify the Linden popgun to exploit most Gorean combat meters. Everything was always done with a fluid motion including keeping all of the SA goons in check.

There was no faggotry allowed in Satyr. The second you came up with the idea to type a 4chan catchphrase was the second you were swiftly kicked from the sim by Gene Replacement. That was, unless you were part of the in-crowd. My memory is fuzzy in regards to those who were in the tight knit clique that circled Gene Replacement and maintained the majority of the power of the group. Names that I can summon from the top of my head are Schwartz Guillaume, Decomposing Monstre, and the "guy in the power ranger suit" whose name escapes me. People like NiceAaron Thetan and Ben Kerensky were overly prominent, but I'm unsure if they made it into the clique that surrounded Gene. Being from the outside one doesn't know all of the facts.

Obituary: Morlin Saarinen

Aretai Warrior and Shivar Prime Minister

by montserrat snakeankle {RdS}


Morlin Saarinen

The SL Gorean community was saddened on June 3, 2008, to hear of the RL death of Aretai Warrior Morlin Saarinen. Master Saarinen, who was an active duty member of the US Army in real life, committed suicide the night of June 1, in Texas.

In addition to his duties in the desert, Morlin also found time to RP as Prime Minister of a small, mixed culture sim called Shivar. At Shivar, Morlin was instrumental in founding and organizing the military structure of the community and with First Sword Travis Maeterlinck, headed off at least two wars initiated by the hot-headed monarch of that land.

In RL, Morlin was fond of medieval sagas and Japanese military teachings. He was especially fond of Tolkein's Lord of the Rings. He was a Physician's Assistant and was generous with his expertise. He was a help to many people in many ways. Master Saarinen also worked hard and studied as a D/s Master, something which he himself said he was learning, and for which he showed talent.

Nipplegate: LL's 5th Birthday SHOCK!

Mr. Winky makes a public appearance on PG-rated land

by Kris Dibou

I went to the SL5B celebration the other day and witnessed Artfox Daviau's wooden sculpture of a lady, sans breasts in order to comply with the rules of the exhibition.  Much to my surprise, only a few steps away was a sculpty rendering of the Statue of David, who was also missing his nipples; however, that was the only item missing! 

David was nekked as a jaybird - letting it all hang out - getting his freak on - swinging in the wind - au natural - in the kiddy park with an open raincoat - wearing his birthday suit - showing off his pingpong set - the man was butt-naked! Worst of all - this statue was being openly displayed on PG-rated land!!

SL Religious Warfare Breaks Out!!!

Scientology conflict results in copyright infringement claims, eviction

by Jessica Holyoke

In Sorens, a religious battle of words and accusations broke out between the Church of Enturbulation and a Scientology group. 

The Church of Enturbulation on Second Life has a facility that educates people about the methods and problems with the Church of Scientology.  Next door was the home of a Scientology group