SL PR Disasters Game
King Philip needs help with headlines
by Onder Skall
We had a lot of fun with our last crowd sourced game, so logically I thought I'd better keep thinking up new ones until we've run the idea into the ground and everybody's sick to death of it. No points for being the first person in the comments to say they're already sick of it.
Games Radar gave me a good idea the other day. They listed the top seven worst video game PR Disasters. From Uwe Boll's terrible interviews and moronic boxing match ("See what happens when they take a blow to the head? They like my movies.") to the infamous Hot Coffee patch (can we all get a bit MORE hysterical about this please?), they did a great job at grabbing a good cross-section of marketing nonsense.
Of course, they didn't cover the marvelous press that Second Life tends to garner. From our "millions of residents" hype to flat denials of any possible technical problems, the Linden Lab PR machine is always good for a chuckle.
Let's push it a bit further, shall we? The Onion can't be the only one allowed to invent the news! Create some CNN headlines that would give even the sturdiest Linden an ulcer!
Tips:
1. Building on past hype is a good bet. (ex: "Second Life Users Number Ten Times Worldwide Human Population")
2. Celebrities rule. (ex: "Pope Blesses SL - No Grid Crashes All Week")
3. Quote an expert. (ex: "Scientists Confirm SL Cures Diabetes")
4. You can include an article instead of just a headline, but remember: brevity is wit.
5. After you're done, go back and exagerate everything a bit more.
6. There's no such thing as taking something too seriously. (ex: "Linden Labs Demands Blood Samples, Urine")
Remember: we're looking for headlines that the Linden Lab PR machine might release that would come back and bite them. That means that "Experts Say SL Sucks" doesn't count.
As usual, the winner will be determined entirely unfairly via arcane magic ritual and a talking pigeon named Larry. Prizes include a free virtual dinner and a can of virtual air.
Onder Skall also writes for http://slgames.wordpress.com
It will be hard to top the Lindens themselves at this, don't you think?
Posted by: Urizenus | March 22, 2007 at 04:35 PM
"Second Life's GDP exceeds the the United States of America, says Princeton economist"
"Second Life/Second Coming: Jesus to announce his return in on-line virtual world"
Posted by: Susan | March 22, 2007 at 06:17 PM
"Doctors discover cybersex restores potency, aids weight loss"
Posted by: SusanC | March 22, 2007 at 06:25 PM
From the lifestyle section of the paper (published at weekends):
"Revitalize your marriage by picking up hookers on-line"
Posted by: Susan | March 22, 2007 at 06:29 PM
"Second Life Citizens rejoice as the Grid does not crash for an entire 12 hours!
Now for the weather: In Hell, temperatures reach record lows as a cold front stalls over the river Styx. High 20, Low -2"
Posted by: synthetic worlds | March 22, 2007 at 10:27 PM
hehe
coco
Posted by: Cocoanut Koala | March 22, 2007 at 11:50 PM
A Concurrency of 20,000
December 29, 2006
Pathfinder Linden
Second Life just broke the 20,000 mark for concurrency.!!!1!One!!1Eleven
Oh, yeah... we are also having some database issues at the moment, with things like teleports not working, L$ balances now showing properly, and objects not rezzing in properly.
This is in addition to water not showing, floating hair, shoe buggery, vortexing on sim crossings, being ruthed, MIA skin, midget Avi's, and "home made" teleporters failing.
Posted by: Angel | March 23, 2007 at 12:36 AM
SLLA teams up with Iran and North Korea
The SLLA has announced a partnership with the already fruitful virtual collaboration of North Korean and Iranian Nuclear Scientists in the group Just Nuke 'em. One scientist was reported as saying, "sure the two countries only make up .2% of the virtual world's population, but with the help of the SLLA we should grow to .22%."
Posted by: Economic Mip | March 23, 2007 at 12:48 AM
"Second Life Datacentre relocates to Sealand"
Sealand's liberal banking and on-line gaming laws will help us grow our businessa, says Linden spokesman.
Posted by: Susan | March 23, 2007 at 05:45 AM
'Second Life is infinitely scalable' - Philip Linden (presumably after some VERY good dope)
Posted by: Inigo Chamerberlin | March 23, 2007 at 07:21 AM
"Second Life Chief takes extended vacation in South America"
In a telephone interview with the Herald, the FBI's Special Agent Johnson said "Hey, I don't suppose you've seen that Phil Linden guy recently? There's a couple of questions we'd like to ask him."
Posted by: Susan | March 23, 2007 at 09:09 AM
"Adult AV Star Roxy Boopenstein says childhood obsession with SL got her a start in the business"
Posted by: Susan | March 23, 2007 at 09:50 AM
Susan - you are totally pwning this one. That last one especially - subtle!
Angel - nice lateral thinking there!
Economic - I don't see LL pimping the SLLA...
Inigo - Perfect!
Posted by: Onder Skall | March 23, 2007 at 10:16 AM
HEADLINE: Second Life perfect - LL blames moronic users
Mud Sim
Linden Labs declares in a public meeting that their servers and their client software is completely free from problems and that user error is more likely the cause of all their customer's complaints. "It's a known fact that human error is several orders of magnitude more commonplace than computer error," said Anonymous Linden, who didn't want her name revealed as badly as she wanted her cleavage to be. "People have to understand that if they try to use their computers for what they want to do instead of what we want them to do, there are going to be problems. Our software and our hardware is bleeding edge; we've put lots of time and money into it. It's perfect."
The interview was cut short by the Mud Sim crashing, and all 30 avatars returned to their homes.
Posted by: shockwave yareach | March 23, 2007 at 12:10 PM
I love the last one, and the Sealand one!
coco
Posted by: Cocoanut Koala | March 23, 2007 at 03:09 PM
7. The pools in Second Life are completley AIDs free and are not closed.....yet
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Posted by: nyredgjcdi | March 23, 2007 at 11:50 PM
I am not in competition since this is not an LL hyped press release, and more I took the idea from your tips, but this is a full article of yours, an article I bet you would love to have to write for real. So if u love to be totally politically un-correct, read it and have fun.
The Pope will visit Second Life Herald - reveals!!!
After the world class breaking news of the last month (The Catholic Church bought a 4 sims Estate to build a virtual Vatican City) Heralds comes back to you with an even more startling exclusive news!
Today, an undisclosed Vatican source revealed to our Red Hot Top Big Reporter, Prokofy Neva, that the Pope Benedict XVI in person will be in SL during the inauguration day of the sim, for his first virtual Pastoral Visit to our beloved metaverse.
In the conversation it was also said that this SL First will be managed and organized by the SL consulting firm the Vatican Bank acquired during the last weeks, the Holy Virtual Lambs (formerly known as Electric Sheep Company), and that the papal dress will be especially designed by TorridWear as single no copy, no transfer item.
When asked how they plan to deal with the limited number of avatars a SL sim can stand, and if they will have a limited access policy, the source simply stated, that none will be barred to attend the ceremony: “If Second Life is Good it will stand, if it is Evil it will crash” were the words.
When we asked Torley Linden to comment, he flatly refuse to release any official statement, limiting himself to declare that he put his trust on the new stability improvement released in the last patch. However is chat lines where badly misspelled, as if his hands were wildly trembling, so we invite our readers to take this as our cautious interpretation.
This will be the first time a Chief of State visiting Second Life, and the second for religious leader, after the unfortunate one of Reverend Moon in which he was grified with Flying Penises and scripted Holy Water.
The exact day of the visit is not yet unveiled and will be probably communicated at he last minute for security reason. Stay tuned on our site for updates!
Ombrone
in SL: Albert Falck
Posted by: Ombrone | March 24, 2007 at 06:30 AM
"Doctors discover cybersex restores potency, aids weight loss"
Ok, so I was joking. But I am outdone by an apparently serious story:
The Use of Virtual Reality in Psychiatry and Psychology. See the sections on "Virtual Reality in Eating Disorders" and "VR Based Therapy for the Treatment of Impotence and Premature Ejaculation".
I'd have liked to have written a headline about Furries, but I don't think I'm going to be able to do better than "Thrown to the Wolves: A newbie discovers yiffing".
PS. Ok, I can't resist:
"Thai clinic to offer species reassignment surgery"
Posted by: Susan | March 28, 2007 at 02:49 PM